Jake Felt the air leave his lungs at a rapid rate. “Help!” Smack. Jake felt absolute pain, but he could see more than yellow now. He could se the outside world, through a gate. Jake thought to himself that this was phenomenal, he ran to the gate, “swoosh”. Jake landed on the ground, “where am I” he questioned, there was no response. Jake realised he was getting very cold. He realised where he was. He was Antartica. Jake looked around at all the snow, no buildings were in site, Jake was going to freeze, with a shiver he passed out.
You did a very good job of sharing Jake’s disorientation, but I am curious how he so quickly realized where he was if there was nothing but snow to see. The portal idea sounds interesting too, I hope that plays a bigger role late in your story.