Yellow, all Jake saw was yellow, he felt around for some type of wall but felt nothing, he tried to touch the ground but there was no hard surface, Jake seemed to be floating, but somehow he felt like he was standing, “hello! Anyone there?” Jake questioned, no reply. Jake started moving, not on his own, but something was forcing him to move. He came to a sudden halt, but he had started moving down. Very slowly, Jake saw that it was pitch black. Jake try to push away. Buts that’s when he had control, but he wasn’t floating, he was falling, Jake screamed as he fell into the dark.
Greetings from Western Australia Jordan. I enjoyed reading your text. Your careful word choices kept me engaged, and concerned about Jake’s safety. I had lots of questions- why could Jake only see yellow? What was moving Jake? What did Jake encounter in the dark? It was a cliffhanger! Well done. 😊
Hello Jordan, what a mystery. You were able to engage me as a reader so I wanted to read on…I wanted to explore this yellow stuff, I wanted to know if there was “anyone there” and I wanted to know what was going to happen in the dark. I think the way you wrote about different types of movement and speeds was very clever. Well done.
Hello Jordan,
You caught my interest from the start of your story. Jake seems surrounded by a yellow nothing. No one answers his call but he feels himself starting to move until he came to sudden halt. He realised he was falling into the dark. Well done!
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia